


Chess boards and Puzzle pieces

by Transdodds



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Amnesia, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 18:17:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18145724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transdodds/pseuds/Transdodds
Summary: While the clot caused by Munsons bullet didn't take Mikes life, it succeeded in taking his memories, and for Sonny that feels almost as bad.





	Chess boards and Puzzle pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jewishbarba](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jewishbarba/gifts).



> For Noah, not only because he sent the prompt that inspired this, but also because he always leaves the kindest comments on my fics

When the doctor gave them the news Sonny just wanted to scream. It felt like God was playing a cruel trick on him, dragging Mike away from the jaws of death, but still managing to take away the man he loved. Because while the clot in his brain might not have taken away his life the lack of oxygen had still taken away a lot of his memories. Part of Sonny wanted to refuse to see Mike, wanted to stay in denial, but he couldn’t give up the chance to reassure himself that at least Mike was still alive, that he was breathing if nothing more. And, if the doctors thought it might help, that seeing his partner, his colleague, might bring his recent memories back, he was willing to try.

When he entered the room and saw Mike in the hospital bed it took all his self control not to rush over there and just hug him, to put his head against Mikes chest and hear his steady heartbeat. But Mike had stressed over and over that he wanted to keep their relationship private, and even if he couldn’t remember that request, Sonny was going to honour it.

“Hey, Mike, how are you feeling?” Sonny asked, forcing a casual smile onto his face.

He was expecting Mikes response, had known it was coming from the second Mike looked at him and he saw the walls that had been put up. But that didn’t stop the way his heart ached and he could barely keep himself standing upright when Mike said “Sorry, but who are you?”

“I’m Sonny Carisi, we worked together at the Manhattan Special Victims Unit” Sonny said, and it was only the presence of the doctor and Chief Dodds that stopped him from saying more. Kept him from desperately pleading with Mike to remember their first slightly drunken kiss at a bar after a case, or mornings spent lying in bed together, or evenings where Sonny taught Mike how to cook, with a great deal of kissing in between his explanations. But instead all he could say was that they worked together, that they were colleagues, and the falsehood tasted bitter on his lips.

Sonny went back to the hospital the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, working in time after his shifts to go see him, and thankful that his badge gave him slight leeway on the visiting times. He made the decision not to tell Mike who they were to each other, not wanting Mike to feel forced to feel something towards Sonny that he obviously didn’t. He also didn’t want to risk Mike giving away his own secret by asking someone if it was true, especially as he knew no one would be able to confirm that it was. Anyways, how could he possibly put into words everything that Mike meant to him?

Instead he started bringing over a small chess set and playing with Mike, neglecting to mention that Mike was the one who taught him to play. However, it was still clear that Sonny was a newcomer to the game, Mike managing to beat him every single time. It was more than worth it, though, for the triumphant smile Mike would give him whenever he realised a he had won the game a few moves before it had even ended. 

It was after quite a few chess sessions that Mike started to open up to Sonny.

“My dad taught me how to play, back when I was kid” Mike said before moving a piece. “Also, check”

“Really?” Sonny said, even though he had already heard the story. The surprise in his voice, however, was still genuine, finding it almost unbelievable that Mike already trusted him enough to start talking about his personal life. A part of him hoped that Mikes soul remembered that Sonny was someone he loved, someone he trusted, even if Mike himself didn’t know it. As he looked down at the board, he was relieved when he saw a way he could save his king, and keep the game, and hopefully the conversation, going.

“Yeah, he’d set aside time from doing paperwork to play a game with me most evenings. Those games are probably my favourite memories from when I was a kid.” Mike said, before moving his knight. “He always expected a lot from me, but in those games the pressure was off at least slightly.”

Sonnys focus was on the board, but when he moved his piece he looked across at Mike. Almost immediately he saw the way he was tapping a quick rhythm out on the top of his rook and realised just how nervous Mike was at revealing that much.

“I remember my nonna teaching me how to bake. It’s probably the most useful skill she taught me. The amount of happiness you can spread with it, with the job I have, well the one we both had, you need a way to put joy back into the world, I think”

Mike was silent for a few more turns, but he at least seemed slightly less nervous. “It’s frustrating, not being able to remember so much. But as much as I wish I could get all my memories back, I can’t help but feel grateful I don’t remember some of the stuff from that job. Snippets of it come up in my dreams, and, I can’t imagine how you deal with it day in and day out”

“Some days I don’t know how I do either, and wish I could just forget it all as well.” Sonny paused for a second, he hadn’t talked much about Mike’s past, he didn’t want to stress him out by constantly bringing up things he didn’t remember. But now seemed like a good time. “If it’s any help, you were good at the job. You really seemed to care about the victims, you really helped people”

While Mike didn’t speak for the rest of the game except to say check quite a few times and then eventually check mate, he did give a nod in response to what Sonny said, as well as the smallest hint of a smile.

In some ways it felt like that conversation was a breakthrough, in the same way a drink at a bar after Dodds’ first time taking the lead in a tough case had been. Mike had been friendly to him before that day, but they still hadn't been friends. But it was clear he now saw Sonny as more than just a considerate coworker, but instead as someone he could talk to, someone who cared. And as much as Sonny longed for more, just that shift was like a balm on his heart. Every time Mike gave him a genuine smile when he turned up, or laughed at his jokes it filled up the gap in his heart that had been created the second Mike had asked who he was, with a blank expression on his face.

Mike was looking healthier as well as happier as the weeks progressed, and the doctors seemed to agree. As Mike happily told Sonny that he was set to be discharged in a week Sonny desperately tried to mimic Mikes excitement even as his heart dropped into his stomach. He had of course known that eventually Mike would leave the hospital, and every time Mike had complained about the hospital or about not being better, he had wanted Mike to be able to leave. But faced with the actual reality of it was a different story. Because visiting a coworker at their apartment was a completely different thing from visiting them in hospital. And while Sonny knew he should probably let go, that if anything this was a sign that now it was time to let go, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to cope without their evening games and conversations.

It was the evening before Mike was set to leave the hospital and Sonny was trying to make the most of it. He’d managed to sneak in some baked goods he had made using Nonna’s recipe, and just the act of making them had helped take some of the ache out of his chest.

They were midway through the game when Mike paused and looked directly at Sonny.

“Thank you, for coming to visit me. It really meant a lot to me”

“It was nothing” Sonny said, shifting slightly in his seat. “Anyone would have done it.”

“They wouldn’t have, but you did. Most of my coworkers, well they hear the last name and make their assumptions and then stay away from me. Or even worse suck up to me in the hopes of getting favours. But you have just been genuinely kind to me, so thank you.”

“It’s no problem- wait, your other coworkers? So, you’re remembering more?”

“Yes, a bit” Mike said with a grin. “Mostly stuff comes up in dreams, glimpses of memories I can’t quite piece together until I wake up and it starts to make sense. The doctors just say it’s a matter of time but eventually everything should come back”

“That’s amazing” Sonny exclaimed, even as his heart started beating out a quick staccato rhythm. He wasn’t sure how Mike would react when he suddenly remembered exactly who Sonny was, if he’d be angry that Sonny had hid his relationship from him, or if he would understand. And if he would understand, would they ever really be able to make up the lost time, would they easily be able to slot back together, or would everything they had together still be lost?

Sonny was quieter that evening, not speaking much until it was time to say goodbye. He had a shift when Mike was scheduled to leave, and anyways, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to be there. It felt too much like the end to their relationship, and while he could accept that, he wouldn’t turn up just to wave it goodbye. So as he said goodbye, it was with a sense of finality, and  a lump in his throat. 

The next evening Sonny couldn’t help but feel like his apartment was too quiet. It wasn’t any different than usual, but he was used to spending his evenings in the hospital where there was a constant hum of noise, and they added to it with the clack of their pieces against the board and their chatter.

He went to bed with that same empty feeling inside, feeling for the first time since the shooting that something was truly missing. And when he was woken up early the next morning by a knock on his door he realised he wasn’t the only one.

Of all the things Sonny expected to see as he pulled himself out of bed and padded towards the door, Mike standing there in pyjama bottoms, his old fordham sweatshirt and a coat, was certainly not it, but his heart was incredibly happy that that was what he found anyways. He was so distracted by the flips his heart was doing that it took him a few seconds to realise how heavily Mike was leaning on his cane, and he moved to invite Mike in and led him towards the couch. As Sonny sat down on the couch next to Mike he realised Mike still hadn’t said anything, let alone explained what had caused him to find Sonny. He was about to ask Mike for an explanation when Mike took a deep breath, gathering his courage, and then leaned in and kissed Sonny.

With that kiss Sonny was transported months into the past, before the Munson incident and the hospital, back when it was just them, together, and everything was okay. They were okay. He wanted to live in that kiss forever, to exist solely in that moment where all his memories were brought into the present. But too soon Mike pulled away, smiling the same way he did when he made a winning chess move.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for hours. Well, days, but especially in the last few hours.”

“I’ve been wanting to do it for months” Sonny said, letting out a breathless laugh.

“Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you say anything, why didn’t you tell me?” Mike didn’t sound angry, just curious, more confused than anything else.

“I didn’t want to make things even more confusing for you and I also didn’t want to make you feel like you had to suddenly pretend to be in love with me just because I said you had been. And I guess a part of me wanted to try and make you fall in love with me again.”

“You succeeded. When I woke up and one more puzzle piece slotted in, it wasn’t exactly like the puzzle was complete, but I could at least finally see the picture on the box. Loving you, it made sense, it makes sense. I don’t know how I managed to forget you.”

“All that matters is that you remembered.” Sonny said, before his smile became slightly cheekier. “So, you dreamed about me?”

“About dancing with you, in an exam hall for some reason. I guess the fordham sweater made me think of when I helped you revise for the bar.”

“I gave that sweater to you when I went undercover and you went to Quantico, so we’d never truly be apart”

“I remember” Mike smiled. “And it did the job, it brought me back to you, and now we never have to be apart again.” At that Sonny leaned in and kissed him and Mike smiled even harder.


End file.
